Boulder County Jogger Attacked By Cows
A man jogging in Boulder County was attacked by a shitload of cows the other day, once again reminding us all that crime in Boulder remains at unprecedented levels since Colorado’s legalization of marijuana.
According to an article from KDVR, the dude was running down Meadowlark Trail when he was besieged by a bovine gang consisting of more than a dozen cows.
Before we get into it and you start drafting an email, “more than a dozen” certainly constitutes a metric shitload, at least in terms of being attacked. If we told you we were ripped apart by more than a dozen chimpanzees, you’d probably be like “Damn, that’s a shitload of chimpanzees.”
Allegedly, between 15 and 20 cows stomped the man, who was later taken to the hospital and released. Whether the gang of cows surrounded the man and then attempted to brand him by searing his left ass cheek remains unknown, but we’ve heard reports of certain cows throwing up Blue Bell gang signs with their hooves.
