Daily Viral: Porn stars pick the most bangable Republican presidential candidate
Everyone knows that one of the most important factors in deciding the next POTUS is how totally bangable they are. How can a man or woman reliably run the country if there aren't at least a handful of sexually willing groupies to support them?
And no one is better qualified to judge bangability, and therefore presidential ability, than a handful of well-known porn stars.
Problem is, while this year's selection of Republican dick (and one notable vagina) is expansive, it's about as visually appealing as a cow pie covered in tiny Rosie O'Donnell figurines. There sure as hell aren't any babely Kennedys, Clintons or Obamas for conservative America to lust over ... but then again, Republicans have always been lacking in the fuckability category.
The result of this is a porn-infused "Would You Rather" game of sorts, as the adult film actresses make the Sophie's Choice between Chris Christie and Donald Trump, two similarly beige globs of human flesh with questionable platforms.
Some of the porn stars made their assessments based on looks, while others opted for wealth and influence. Still others selected certain candidates based on their assumed level of freakiness (Jeb Bush would suck toes) and a small population of them went with Carly Fiorina because "who doesn't like pussy?"
Well said, porn people. Well said.
